[ Free Audiobooks ] The Sex Lives of Cannibals: Adrift in the Equatorial PacificAuthor J. Maarten Troost – Gsagency.co

At The Age Of Twenty Six, Maarten Troost Who Had Been Pushing The Snooze Button On The Alarm Clock Of Life By Racking Up Useless Graduate Degrees And Muddling Through A Series Of Temp Jobs Decided To Pack Up His Flip Flops And Move To Tarawa, A Remote South Pacific Island In The Republic Of Kiribati He Was Restless And Lacked Direction, And The Idea Of Dropping Everything And Moving To The Ends Of The Earth Was Irresistibly Romantic He Should Have Known Better The Sex Lives Of Cannibals Tells The Hilarious Story Of What Happens When Troost Discovers That Tarawa Is Not The Island Paradise He Dreamed Of Falling Into One Amusing Misadventure After Another, Troost Struggles Through Relentless, Stifling Heat, A Variety Of Deadly Bacteria, Polluted Seas, Toxic Fish, And Worst Of All, No Television Or Coffee And That S Just The First Day Sunburned, Emaciated, And Stinging With Sea Lice, Troost Spends The Next Two Years Battling Incompetent Government Officials, Alarmingly Large Critters, Erratic Electricity, And A Paucity Of Food Options He Contends With A Cast Of Bizarre Local Characters, Including Half Dead Fred And The Self Proclaimed Poet Laureate Of Tarawa A British Drunkard Who S Never Written A Poem In His Life , And Eventually Settles Into The Ebb And Flow Of Island Life, Just Before His Return To The Culture Shock Of Civilization With The Rollicking Wit Of Bill Bryson, The Brilliant Travel Exposition Of Paul Theroux, And A Hipster Edge That Is Entirely Troost S Own, The Sex Lives Of Cannibals Is The Ultimate Vicarious Adventure Readers May Never Long To Set Foot On Tarawa, But They Ll Want To Travel With Troost Time And Time Again First of all, this is a very misleading title There were no sexytimes or people eating.If you ask people what they enjoy doing, what they love, what s necessary, many will list travel But what does that mean Flying somewhere with an itinerary to spend a few nights in a 5 star hotel with continental breakfast Living out of a backpack and wearing through your shoes It s such a blobby answer, travel There was a brief period where I had cable and in that brief period I watched maybe 2 episodes of Daria One was about some advertising woman who tried to be a teenager and have a finger on the pulse of that crowd She dressed in age inappropriate clothing and most of all, used slang that meant nothing Daria s dad would go pop eyed with rage at the inanity of her speech, Jiggy What does it mean In the movie Miss Congeniality, there s a very funny sequence about how to answer the judges when they ask you what you want most, or would give anything for Our heroine, undercover agent Sandra Bullock, is coached to say world peace and there s a montage of other contestants saying world peace She answers honestly, something about harsher punishment for parole violations, but at the unhappy expressions on the judges faces, tacked on the standard and, world peace Jiggy and world peace, overused to the point of meaninglessness, like travel Well What does that mean I sat next to a Dutchman on a short flight this summer and we talked about career, family, and pastimes His father had recently passed away and when he spoke about regrets, the things forever unsaid, he leaned forward in the too small space, hands open as if pleading, voice very animated with inflections and volume changes, eye contact that allowed me to note his were very blue When he spoke of travel, he got the same way But when he spoke of travel, as important as it was to him, he couldn t explain very well what he meant He did that thing where people start a sentence then trail off, expecting you to fill in the significant blanks with an ahhh of agreement.Why does travel make people incoherent and blank I think one of the best reasons is that going places is an important part of understanding the size of the world, how big and at the same time small it can be and that people are people the world over It s like how my dad will rage about Japan and the Japanese but when meeting one in person, he ll be so friendly that my head spins If you re awake and aware, it helps you be lessselfish Ugh I can t find the way to say what I want to say World peace, man.Anyway, travel I guess everyone has a different conception of what it involves To bring it back to the book, I doubt anyone can disagree that what this dude did was Travel What a terrific book Because he s a Dutchman, I heard my blue eyed Dutchman s voice in my mind as I read this Delicious He and his girlfriend decide they want to go somewhere, anywhere She gets a position in a tiny Pacific island and he tags along I ve seen some reviews where people think he s a slacker who took advantage in order to do nothing, but I don t think it s any different from all the wives who followed their husbands around, like with the military or other business that transplant their managers What does it matter that she worked and he kept house played tried to write a book If they were fine with it, cool It s the new millenium and sometimes the women are the breadwinners.They live there for a couple years Capital T, travel No television, barely any radio he has to experiment to find out the 10 minutes where he ll get BBC clearly enough to hear , only old magazines and whatever new visitors bring along Holy cow, it sounds simultaneously awful and wonderfully immersive They have critters, different foods, lots of gastrointestinal distress, crap everywhere, cultural stereotypes and expectations upended It s Travel.He writes of his experiences and impressions It s entertaining and informative There s whining and yet, it doesn t grate I learned some history And very funny, the dry, European kind Highly recommend this book. Having lived in the exact same equatorial Pacific nation at the exact same time as the author, I feel an unprecedented connection to this book I loved it and was a little bit bothered by it at the same time Mostly I cracked up laughing the whole time, as if it was a book of inside jokes between the author and me, as he described the exact things that I experienced there everything from the toilet with a unique ocean view on the Martha to Kiribati bureacracy The part of me that loves Kiribati and the people there as a second home and family were a little bit embarrassed, in the I can make fun of my family, but no one else better kind of way, but overall I think the author whom I think I met one time at dinner at the Otintai Hotel one night showed appropriate respect Having lived there longer and beingfluent in the language than the author, I also was in a position to notice a few errors and a few places where I think he doesn t realize that he was treated a certain way because of the culture Those few things aside, I loved it It made me at once homesick and amused I m glad he wrote it, because I don t know that I could have. That right there my friends is a dangerous title Why Because it s misleading Let me explainGo to Youtube, find a video with a hyperbolic title one that promises the BEST, MOST EXCITING, FUNNIEST of whatever the content is watch it and if it doesn t live up to the billing see what the viewers say about it in the comment section and check out the ratio of likes and dislikes A few samplings of that will clearly and quickly display why a misleading title is a bad idea.Sure, a title like The Sex Lives of Cannibals Adrift in the Equatorial Pacific has the eye catch ability to sellcopies, but it will disappoint when the reader discovers there s no sex and no cannibals Hell, the author isn t even adrift He s on a bloody island J Maarten Troost may be a lying sack of shit , but he s also a funny guy And a good sense of humor is necessary when you find yourself put in a situation and place that does not meet your expectationsor anyone s expectations for that matter Nothing earth shattering happens in this light travel journal, which is another reason a writer with humor is important It s something to keep the readers eyes moving forward, and that s important because the book can be a bit of an eye opener for those of us completely unfamiliar with life in the Pacific Islands of today with its inhabitants love of Spam and horrible pop musicwell actually, a single horrible pop songand who d want to miss that I kid, I kid My insults and outrage are, in and of themselves, hyperbolic THUMBS DOWN To Mr.Troost,I learned that you are a liar and a disgraceful man, and my opinion about you lay on the beaches of Tarawa You wrote about my culture, my people and my island I dearly love so you can be famous and rich The title is a scheme and a trick to get people s attention so they can buy your book The book was given to me because I refused to buy it I was on the island in 1997 and I didn t remember the LaMacarena and the beer crisis You got a sick mind Temawa rest her soul was my best friend and cousin, and Faroug deported to Africa at FSP and what you said about them were not true.You make me sick I agree that you are not good with names two years wait before you wrote this book is a long time for your brain but disagreed that you tried to protect the people s identity You should be sued You are cruel and insensitive to get a laugh out of an innocent culture so you can be useful and most of all get rich so you can supplement your pathetic past I hope that is not the case but Mr Troost YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF For those who are contributing to troost S pocket, beware your beloved home land could be next or maybe its too late since he s already written severalbooks. Burdened with student loans and crushing credit card debt, the author decides to run away from responsibility escape with his ladylove to Tarawa, a tiny South Pacific island in the Republic of Kiribati Troost s visions of a lush tropical paradise are soon swallowed by the harsh reality of beaches studded with feces human , and a diet consisting of boiled occasionally toxic fish And beer Thank God for the beer To picture Kiribati, imagine that the continental U.S were to conveniently disappear leaving only Balti and a vast swath of very blue ocean in its place Now chop up Balti into thirty three pieces, place a neighborhood where Maine used to be, another where California once was, and so on, until you have thirty three pieces of Balti dispersed in such a way as to ensure that 32 33 of Baltimorians will never attend an Orioles game again Now take away electricity, running water, toilets, television, restaurants, buildings, and airplanes except for two very old prop planes, tended by people who have no word for maintenance Replace with thatch Flatten all land into a uniform two feet above sea level Toy with islands by melting polar ice caps Add palm trees Sprinkle with hepatitis A, B, and C Stir in dengue fever and intestinal parasites Take away doctors Isolate and bake at a constant temperature of 100 degrees Fahrenheit The result is the Republic of Kiribati.Funnyit doesn t look that bad from the air.So, while his girlfriend went to work everyday managing programs that sought to improve child and maternal health, alleviate vitamin A deficiency, raise environmental awareness, and advance the cause of sanitation., Troost was left on his own His attempts to write a novel never got off the first page sentence, really , so he became something of a househusband whose duties included finding fish for dinner that would provide nutrition without actually killing the couple You may envy or scorn Troost s copious amounts of free time, but you ll have to admit he had a fairly interesting experience I was waffling between three and four stars as there really isn t much to this book, but the author s method of dealing with Mormons who come a knocking bumped the star o meter up to four.Elder Jeb and Elder Brian were twenty year old Mormon missionaries from Utah They wanted my soul Come in, I said Do you want a cup of tea No, thanks How about a cigarette No, really Beer No, we can t When I inquired if they had had any luck finding wives, they decided to move on and try their chances elsewhere.Troost if you come up with a clever way to get rid of the Jehovah s Witnesses who haunt my doorway, I ll bump your score up to five. I think it is important to separate the subject matter of a book from the book itself Kiribati Fascinating The Sex Lives of Cannibals Adrift in the Equatorial Pacific Not good The research was interesting The factoids were interesting But the author comes across as a complete tool I would have been farinterested in hearing about his girlfriend s experience in the Republic of Kiribati, since she was actually working with people and doing things, unlike J Maarten It isn t a funny book, although I keep seeing reviews that say it is The situation the author and his girlfriend find themselves in is incredibly uncomfortable and rather unhygienic they are lucky to have survived it, quite honestly People shit where they eat, literally, in fact his girlfriend is being sent there in order to do sanitation education It is a greater sense of isolation than simply being out of their comfort zone They turn into survivalists just like everyone else living on a tiny island with nothing to make a living off of Funny Not really Definitely not rip roaring as the book jacket claims The author is a drifter and ultimately doesn t contribute much to the book And he wrote it Even though I have it on my to read shelf, I m not sure I ll be bothering with Getting Stoned with Savages A Trip Through the Islands of Fiji and Vanuatu Give me another Sara Wheeler any day. I have mixed feelings about The Sex Lives of Cannibals because I alternated between many opinions about this text as I was reading it It had been on my too read list for years, and now having read it I am not sure it deserved its spot.The first 50 pages or so of this book are irritating beyond belief because the author, J Maarten Troost, has a pedantic and pseudo intellectual vibe going that comes across as the writer being smarmy and cute It does not endear him to his reader, and that is a problem However, by chapter seven I was use to his voice and got over my distaste The Sex Lives of Cannibals is heavily labeled as a humorous book, and it is funny More of a smirk and occasional chuckle funny than laugh out loud funny, but Mr Troost is witty and he employs his wit and sarcasm to nice effect in this travelogue.I think some of the reviews have been unfair of Troost when they say he is unlikable Indeed he is at times, especially in the last 25 pages of the book, but his being likable is not a necessary condition for a good read Some readers have also complained that it was not as anthropological as they had hoped Mr Troost is not Tony Horwitz and other writers of that ilk, and to expect him to be is unfair.I enjoyed this book while reading it with the exception of the above qualms but I finished it about four days ago and I am having trouble remembering specifics about the text I guess that says a lot I will also note that Mr Troost s two other books of travel will not jump onto my reading list I may read them on a beach somewhere sometime, but there is no urgency to devourof his work. There is no place on Earth where color has been rendered with such intense depth, from the first light of dawn illuminating a green coconut frond to the last ray of sunset, when the sky is reddened to biblical proportions And the bluehave you seen just how blue blue can get in the equatorial Pacific In comparison, Picasso s blue period seems decidedly ash gray That look on Angel Fernandez de Soto for some reason reminds me of MaartenWhen Maarten Troost s girlfriend Sylvia comes home and asks him if he wants to move to a remote Pacific island it took him about three seconds to take stock of his life, and realize this was the best offer he d ever had They pack, mostly the wrong things, and before you can say Robinson Crusoe find themselves on the island of Tarawa in the Republic of Kiribati Now there are few issues you may have with Troost First this title, though catchy and even giggle worthy, has nothing to do with the book We do not meet cannibals in this book nor do we learn about cannibals in this book, and evendisappointing we don t get an insiders look at the sex lives of such beastly people So those of you, hopefully there are not many, who are looking for some information on a lifestyle revolving around the consumption of LONG PIG this is not the book for you Although I m sure Troost, his editor, and his publisher may have had a few belly laughs over this bit of tongue in cheek fraud Second, for me this concept would have been a bitimpressive if Troost is escaping the rigorous of a working life If he had been slogging away at some dead end corporate job, like many of the rest of us, and had chucked it all for the back to nature, finding himself, adventure He isthan a little smug about his life, pushing the snooze button on the alarm clock of life which is code to me for I m living off someone else My stiff neck over this issue dissolved as I found myself chuckling frequently, maybe somewhat maliciously so, over his hapless adventures.Third towards the end of the book Maarten is hired as a consultant for the World Bank He is ludicrously overpaid and spends many pages talking about how idiotic these people were for hiring him I couldn t disagree with him I could feel that stiff neck coming back He bragged about the elevated lifestyle that he and his now wife Sylvia were enjoying while thumbing his nose at his employers for giving it to him It sounded to me like he could have helped a lot of people in need if he had taken the jobseriously and maybe he did, and this is all just him building up this persona of himself as a ne er do well Maybe I just need my neck rubbed by a lovely polynesian woman.Troost can wax nostalgic about all the blues and the greens, but there are also absolutely disgusting eyesores in paradise They take a walk on the small atoll of Majuro which is North of the island of TarawaThere is a filthy fringe of beach that recedes into soppy mud before disappearing into a lifeless lagoon On the ocean side of the atoll there is a gray and barren reef shelf stained with what from a distance look like large, whitish brownish polyps that on closer inspection turn out to be used diapers, resting there under the high sun while awaiting an outgoing tide Eeuuwh Once Maarten and Sylvia settle into Tarawa there are some fundamental problems that generally people living in civilization don t have to deal with on a daily basis The island has been in a drought and it isn t long before they run out of water Their main diet is fish, and given the nature of fish to decompose even quicker in this climate, food has to be procured every day So Maarten instead of lazing around in a hammock all day long finds himself pedaling his bike furiously about the island trying to keep the two of them in food and water I rather enjoyed reading about Maarten having to pull his own weight in this regard Fish is supplemented every so often by a ship from Australia offloading all the dented cans and conceptually unappealing food that the population of Australia refused to eat Shiver It doesn t take long before those dented cans start to look like gourmet food to Maarten They have Peeping Tom issues, some of whom carry rather wicked looking machetes The lovely and of course, exotically caucasian visage of Sylvia was of endless fascination to the Kiribati male population They were quite content to sit outside her window and watch her read Flattering, I m sure, for about thirty seconds, and then progressively creepier as the minutes tick by The biggest problem that Maarten faced was one that followed him everywherethe ceaseless sweatingI could either melt into an oozing puddle, drop by drop a slow, torturous death, for certain or I could ease my suffering with a swim in the world s largest backyard pool, thereby risking life and limb to the schools of sharks that were, and I sensed this strongly, circling at reef s edge, awaiting a meal featuring the other other white meat Is it wrong to root for the sharks Little does Maarten know there are LARGER,TREACHEROUS things in the waterAnd then I saw what confronted me It rested directly between myself and shore It was massive I had never seen anything like it I sensed its power I became very, very frightened.It was an enormous brown bottom.The possessor, a giant of a man, was squatting in the shadows, holding on to a ledge of coral rock He emitted He emitted someHe was like a stricken oil tanker, oozing brown sludge When he was done, he wiped himself with sticks Not leaves Sticks Small branches Twigs And then they were coming my way Riding the ebbing tide., the sticks homed in on me I became the North Star for shit encrusted sticks Whichever way I moved, and I was moving very quickly these sticks seemed to follow They were closing in I began to curse In Dutch This only happens when something primal is stirred Podverdomme His curse word makessense to me if you replace the P with a G, but I m not a Dutch speaker Okay so I laughed again the whole time I was typing this quote into this review maybe because I feel our hero, Maarten, could use some crap thrown his way Troost does give us some background on how the 19th century slave trade impacted the Kiribati The men were first considered most valuable to work on plantations all over the Pacific, but soon the beautiful young women were sought after eventhan the men for purposes that does not require much imagination to figure out After laws were passed, and were beginning to be enforced the same type of men as the slavers came around inducing men and women to leave the islands for very low pay This period of time is called the Pacific Labor Trade Over 70% of the people living on these islands left for what they hoped was a better Most never returned and not because they found wealth and comfort working for white men We meet a cast of colorful characters, of which, my favorite was Half Dead Fred After living on the island of the Long Knives for nineteen years past the day his visa expired, the government, inexplicably, decides that it is time to enforce his removal from their country He had numerous wives and a profitable business The prospect of being dropped back into the middle of American culture is frankly terrifying to himHalf Dead Fred had earned his moniker He was so wasted in appearance that in comparison a cadaver would seem plump and rosy cheeked Tall and gangly with a long salt and pepper beard, Half Dead Fred looked much as I imagined Robinson Crusoe would look had Robinson Crusoe been marooned for a few years longer He wore a pair of shorts that anywhere else would have long been discarded or put to use as rags Okay, so admittedly, I had issues with Troost The only reason he bobbed back up on my radar is because he recently released a travel book which has something to do with Robert Louis Stevenson So far the reviews of Headhunters on My Doorstep A True Treasure Island Ghost Story are not encouraging Again the title seems to have little to do with the subject matter of the book His writing style is engaging and as I mentioned earlier he did make me chucklethan once This is a star book with a bump to for entertainment value. Su didele humoro doze autorius apraso savo gyvenima vienoje is atkampiausiu salu, Tarawa Kiribatyje , Okeanijoje Su zmona kelerius metus praleide rojuje zemeje , be iprastu patogumu, neturint pakankamai vandens, kenciant nuo skurdaus maisto raciono it t t ir pan visgi uzsikrecia salietisku gyvenimo budu ir nebepritampa prie vakarietisko gyvenimoYra cia ir regiono tradiciju aprasymo, istorijosZodziu, visai sauni knyga, rekomenduoju.Btw, knygoje neuzsimenama apie seksa ir zmogedrasVa toks tas autoriaus humoro jausmas.